


Astray

by TheGethhaveacrushonme



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Drinking, F/F, a hint of talibrations at the end, some smut eventually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-18
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-25 10:15:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9815096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGethhaveacrushonme/pseuds/TheGethhaveacrushonme
Summary: Set between Horizon in ME2 and the start of ME3. Ashley Williams is stationed with Citadel defense after horizon, and her life gets a little complicated when she meets Major Kara Artus, a turian with her very own baggage.





	1. Prologue

_O YOU whom I often and silently come where you are, that I may be with you;_  
_As I walk by your side, or sit near, or remain in the same room with you,_  
_Little you know the subtle electric fire_  
_that for your sake is playing within me._  
\- Walt Whitman

 

Horizon had been a disaster, not that she could have prevented it if she'd done anything differently.

She knew it, but that didn't make it better. Just like Eden Prime. How did you fight something so much stronger than you? And the knowledge that Shepard was working with Cerberus did nothing to alleviate that feeling of helplessness. She had admired her, hell, that woman had changed her life. Part of her knew that the Commander was trying to do the right thing, but with Cerberus! 

Anderson was the only one she could turn to with her thoughts.

“I trust her,” the councillor said firmly. But he looked worried. Politics were getting to him. He was a soldier, this wasn't where he wanted to be. Unfortunately, it was where he needed to be.

“Try and have a little faith in her, Williams. She was right about the Reapers. It's not like anyone else is doing much about that right now.” He tried to keep the bitterness out of his voice, but she heard it anyway.

“I know, sir,” she replied quietly.

She was lonely. She wouldn't lie to herself. The old William's curse appeared to be broken and she was proud of her achievements, but she missed the Normandy. Missed Shepard. Missed Kaidan. Missed the entire crew. Even the aliens. She'd had to admit that they had been quite the characters. She knew that if she'd let herself be a little more open-minded, if she'd had more time to adjust her world view, she might have found them as fascinating as the commander had. Well, perhaps not in every respect. But there had been a chemistry there, revolving around Shepard, and it had come crashing down after she was gone. Liara had been unable to accept Shepard's death. Ashley had kind of grown to like her, but she was freaked out by her relationship with Shepard, and she hadn't managed to talk to her before the asari had vanished. Vakarian had been the one she'd trusted least in the beginning, but to her utter astonishment, he was the one she felt she had the most in common with in the end. Even Wrex was alright, for a krogan. She hadn't talked much to Tali'Zorah, but Adams had been speaking very highly of her, and she'd been quite useful in a fight, especially considering she was still half a kid.

A few times she'd thought of contacting them, but then, what was the point? Even if she managed, she'd probably only feel lonelier after.

She was stationed on the Citadel after Horizon. Since humanity had a council seat now, it was their duty to add to the Citadel defense forces. It was considered a prestige project and they only sent model soldiers. It was an honour, but it also meant very little action.


	2. Chapter 2

She finished typing a letter to Lynn, then nursed her beer, lost in thought. 

“Lieutenant Williams!”

She almost choked and turned around, facing the beaming, freckled face of Lieutenant Barker. She'd been on duty with him a couple of times. He was bright, a good soldier, but chatty to the point of being a nuisance. 

“Come sit with us! You can't drink alone when your fellow soldiers are sitting just across the room.”

She looked to where he was pointing and saw a large, fairly mixed group, talking and laughing loudly at a large table by the window of the bar. She didn't feel like company, but declining would make her seem standoffish. So she took her beer and squeezed herself between Barker and a turian she was pretty sure she'd never seen before. 

“Kara Artus,” she said in that strange two-toned voice innate to all turians when she finally noticed the newcomer at her side. She had steel-grey skin, broken by one single broad silver line running from her nose to her forehead.

“Ashley Williams.”

The turian laughed. 

“No introduction necessary. Everyone knows who you are.”

For a moment, Ash thought the infamy of the name Williams was still an issue, and it must have shown on her face, for Artus added:

“You fought alongside Commander Shepard, didn't you?”

“Oh.” She blinked. Of course. That was it. “Yes. I didn't think people knew.”

Barker had followed the exchange.

“Is it true that she's alive? And working for Cerberus?”

A dozen pairs of eyes were suddenly focused on her. She shouldn't have joined them. She felt herself blush deeply.

“I haven't seen her since the attack on the Normandy,” she lied. 

“But she's alive, isn't she?”

“You were there when the attack happened?”

“Cut it out, people, she isn't here to be interrogated,” Artus said sharply. Reluctantly, they returned to their conversations.

“Thanks,” Ash said lowly.

“You're welcome.”

*

When she woke up, Ash felt as if a horde of Krogan in a blood rage had charged her. She just made it to the bathroom in time.

She couldn't remember how she'd got back to her small apartment. How much had she drunk? It hadn't seemed that much, but there had been shots because one of the asari had a decade birthday, and more alcohol always seemed such a good idea when you were already drunk. 

At least she was in her own apartment.

For a moment Ash panicked when she saw the time on her alarm clock, then realised it was her day off.

Had she made a fool of herself?

She drank as much water as her stomach could take without protesting, then tried to force herself through her morning exercise routine, but it almost made her sick again and she had to stop.

She didn't feel like doing much of anything, but at some point she remembered the letter she'd written the day before and took a look at her messages. There was a reply from Lynn, and a message from an unfamiliar address. Ash opened it with a frown.

_'I hope you're alright. You passed out in the cab. Send me a message when you've read this. Kara'_

Her frown deepened. She chewed on her lower lip. Eventually, she let her unsteady fingers type:

_'I am fine. Can't remember much about last night, though. Care to fill me in? AW'_

The reply came after only a few minutes.

_'Can you meet me at Apollo's in an hour?'_

Ash stared at the message. The idea of going outside was rather unpleasant, but she wanted to find out what had happened the night before, so she sent Artus a quick affirmation, then tried to make herself halfway presentable. Her face in the mirror was pale and tired-looking. She rarely bothered with make-up, but today she found it necessary. Just so people wouldn't notice how crappy she felt. Not that she thought the turian would be able to tell.

The presidium commons were definitely too bright as she made her way to the small café. It was a nice place, the view over the park was one of the best on the entire Citadel, but today she couldn't appreciate it.

Artus was already sitting at a small table, drinking something unfamiliar. Was there such a thing as turian coffee? She was in uniform, probably on her break. She gave Ash a small smile, not the disconcertingly toothy variety she'd seen on other turians.

“Lieutenant Williams,” she said pleasantly.

Ash sat down, then said hesitantly:

“I'm afraid I don't even know your rank.”

“It's Major.”

Ash sat up a little straighter at the realisation that the turian was a superior officer, even though she knew it was more complex than that, considering the intricacies of the chain of command in a military body that comprised not only four different species' ranking systems, but naval as well as army ranks. 

Artus watched her, then gave a small jerk of her head.

“Relax, Lieutenant.”

“Yes, ma'am.”

But she couldn't help thinking that she'd gotten dead drunk in front a superior officer. Damnit.

She ordered coffee, then turned back to the major.

“Okay, just how much of an ass did I make of myself last night?” she asked miserably.

Artus shook her head.

“It wasn't your fault. It seems the Amali Black Label Whisky has an extraordinary effect on the human nervous system. But we only found that out after you had the second round of shots. All three of you were goners in half an hour. T'Lani is terribly sorry, by the way. She had no idea. We thought it best to see you all home. I took care of you. My apartment isn't far from yours. You're heavier than you look.”

“Oh lord, you had to carry me?”

“Just from the cab to the elevator and from the elevator to your apartment.”

“I am so sorry. I'll never drink foreign alcohol again. Hell, I'll never drink any alcohol again.”

Artus smiled again.

“That's certainly a worthy goal, but my experience with military types is that they can rarely keep that promise.”

Reading turian facial expressions and voices was still something Ash found exceedingly difficult, but she had a notion that there was a certain tension in those last words. She thought of her grandfather and gave a small nod.

“Drink is too often the only way for people to cope,” she said lowly.

The major's mandibles clicked once, but she didn't say any more on the subject. Ash studied her furtively over the rim of her cup. She knew turians were supposed to be avian, or avian-like, but she didn't see it. There was something rather feline about their eyes and noses. The mandibles, on the other hand, were just alien. 

“May I ask you a question, ma'am?” she asked, unusually hesitant.

“You may.”

“I couldn't help noticing that there aren't many female turians on the Citadel. Or anywhere else I've ever been in the galaxy. How come?” 

She really hoped it wasn't a sensitive issue of some kind.

Artus just shrugged.

“As a rule, turian women are very protective of their homes. That's why the overwhelming majority of us, civilian and military, chose to stay on Palaven or the colonies. We have many colonies to manage and protect, and we do so with great efficiency.”

“I see.”

There was an unvoiced question hanging between them and Artus finally said:

“Go ahead, ask.”

“Why did you chose to leave? Ma'am?”

“It seems some of us are freaks without a strong sense of home.”

Ash was taken aback by the bitterness and self-deprecation in those words.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...”

“It's alright. It's what everyone asks, or wants to ask. But I'm afraid I'll have to return to duty.”

She waved for the waiter, paid and got up.

“I'll see you around, Major.”

“Lieutenant.”

Artus nodded, then made her way up the stairs with powerful strides, while sure enough everyone she passed turned their heads and stared at her.


	3. Chapter 3

Ash was on duty with Barker the next day. With a hint of satisfaction she noticed that he looked worse than her. They looked at one another and couldn't help bursting into laughter.

“What a night, ey? I've passed Lee on my way here, she looked just like I feel. I can't remember how I got home. Dellan and T'Lani helped with that, apparently.”

Ash thought she remembered Dellan was a diminutive Salarian who'd chatted excitedly about the levo-dextro dichotomy, while no one had seemed quite able to follow.

“Major Artus brought me home. She filled me in about what happened.”

“I was surprised she was there with us. T'Lani has been trying to convince her for weeks.”

Ash raised her eyebrows. She wanted to inquire, but the next moment T'Lani herself rounded the corner to the control centre.

“Oh there you are!” the asari said, eyes wide and face all apologies. “I am so, so sorry. How are you?”

“Fine. A little groggy. Yesterday was bad, though,” Barker replied with his signature grin.

“Same here.”

“Oh, Lieutenant Williams, you must have a terrible first impression of me. Please. Let me make it up. There'll be an actual party to celebrate my birthday, clearly labelled food and beverages, would you come?”

She said 'yes' mainly because she was too surprised to think of an excuse. But once she'd thought it over, she decided that a little socialising couldn't hurt. As long as she didn't drink anything strange this time.

*

It was proof of how little time she'd spend off duty in the last years, that when she entered the small apartment full of people, she felt thoroughly self-conscious in civilian clothing, even though she'd only donned a pair of black pants and a tank top. Fortunately Asari didn't give birthday gifts, or she would have agonised over what to bring. T'Lani hugged her and pulled her further into the crowd. 

“So!” T'Lani raised her voice and the chatter stopped slowly. “I think everyone's here. Thanks for coming. You're all so sweet! Some of you I've known for years, but some of you I've only known briefly, and since we're all soldiers here, I think we need one ground rule – tonight, in this apartment, there are no ranks and no last names! I'm Neala, in case you didn't know.” She laughed. “Also, there's dextro food on the table by the window and there's levo food on the table by the kitchen, so everyone gets their nutrients, and in light of recent events, I've also marked alcohol by species' preference. No more Amali Black Label incidents. Enjoy!”

Everyone clapped and the asari blushed and beamed.

It was odd at first to have everyone call her Ashley, but she got used to it after a bit. Half the people at the party were asari and it was hard to remember their names and not mix them up. There were a few salarians and turians, and apart from her, Barker and Lee were the only humans. Their first names were Paul and Daiyu, respectively, and they'd laugh and chastise one another when they accidentally used last names.

“We should do shots every time we don't manage to say first names.”

“Weren't we drunk enough last time?” Daiyu protested.

“We definitely were!” Ash said. “I'm not going to do any shots tonight.”

“Aw, spoilsport.” Paul laughed.

She hadn't even noticed Artus until there was a gentle tap on her shoulder.

“Oh, hello, ma'am.”

“It's Kara tonight, apparently. Could I talk to you for a moment?”

Daiyu, who'd been talking to Ash before, gave them a quizzical look, then shrugged and walked over to a couple of asari.

“What is it?” Ash asked, looking up at the tall turian.

“I...” Kara sighed. “I wanted to apologise for the other day. The way I left...”

“Oh.” Ash didn't quite know what to say. “I was left with the impression that I'm the one who should apologise.”

“Yes, I figured. That's part of why I need to apologise. You didn't do anything wrong. They're my issues, not yours.”

“It's alright, ma... Kara.”

“Good. I'm glad.”

Ash watched her looking around the room, radiating a feeling of unease.

“Are people giving you a hard time because of it?” she asked.

Kara's ice blue eyes fixed on her.

“It depends on the people. Other turians are usually not vocal about it, but they do look at me as if there's something wrong with me. For the last five years I have been assigned to and put on duty with more aliens than any other turian, not that I mind. It has actually given me some merit over time, I am now considered something of a mediator when the hierarchy gets into trouble with other races. Members of other species mostly react with curiosity, then quickly get over it and treat me like any other turian. Asari come on to me all the time, it gets... distracting.”

“They are like that, aren't they?” Ash said before she could stop herself.

Kara smirked.

“I don't always mind. It gets lonely.” 

She shook her head.

Ash frowned at her.

“Your Alliance friend doesn't seem to mind, either.”

Ash turned to see Daiyu slide her arm around the waist of a giggling asari, who leant closer and gave her a peck on the cheek.

“Huh.”

“Oh, Kara! I'm so glad you came. Have you tried some of the food? I bought most of the dextro stuff, but there's a salad I prepared myself.” Neala had walked over to them and was looking at Kara with such undisguised eagerness it almost made Ash laugh.

She backed off, trying not to catch the turian's eye as she heard Kara say something polite but vague about the salad, and wandered over to where Paul was deep in a conversation with Dellan.

“Have you seen what Daiyu's been up to?” Paul asked, when he noticed Ash.

“Yeah, fraternising in front of all these people,” Ash said with a hint of irritation.

“More like sororitising. But then, C-Def has barely any regulations when it comes to that kind of thing. Right, Lis?”

Dellan nodded her head. 

“Since salarians have no sex drives, the idea never occurred to us. Asari culture revolves so much around finding mates that the idea of imposing restrictions is ludicrous to them, also asari huntresses and commandos rarely work in large groups, and turians are on the one hand such a military civilization that opposing 'fraternisation', as you humans call it, would mean severely restricting their opportunities to find partners, and on the other hand they have such a strong sense of discipline that they'd never let personal affairs get in the way of their duty.”

She said all this very fast, and Ash could only blink.

“No sex drives?” she asked, eventually.

Paul snorted.

“In any case, Daiyu has been giving Menara the eye for a while now. Looks like she's going to get lucky.” 

The two of them were sitting close together on the couch now, deep in conversation. Ash scanned the room, but there was no sign of either Kara or Neala. She frowned, then shrugged. None of it, after all, was any of her business.

“Hey, uhm, Ashley?”

She looked around at the asari who'd approached her. Her eyes and skin were a matching purple, with light blue markings on her cheeks and forehead. 

“Yes? Ineia, was it? Sorry, I'm not good with so many names at once.”

“Ah, but you got it right.” She smiled almost nervously and Ash wondered for a moment whether she was going to be hit on. “I know that, uhm, it may be rude to ask you and if you don't want to talk about it I'll understand completely, but... where you there when Matriarch Benezia died?”

“Oh!” Ash blinked. “Actually I wasn't. But, you know, I wouldn't be allowed to tell, classified spectre business and all.”

The asari nodded.

“Yes, I know. I'm sorry I even asked, it's just that she used to be such an inspiration! I can't believe she would have worked with Saren...”

Ash pressed her lips together.

“I really shouldn't tell you anything, but... she wasn't herself. Saren was controlling her and she fought it, even helped Shepard in the end. It's all I can say.”

“She did?” Ineia looked at her with big eyes, then smiled sadly. “Thank you. It means a lot to me. I almost joined her as a commando fifteen years ago, but then I took this job instead. I have always regretted that decision a little, but I'd probably be dead now if I had joined Benezia.”

Ash patted her shoulder awkwardly.

“I used to have such a crush on her.”

Ash valiantly tried to hide her grimace.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey! I haven't heard from you in, like, forever!”

“A week isn't forever, Sarah.”

“Yeah, but that was just a short message. We haven't talked in at least three weeks! What have you been up to?”

Ash smiled.

“Well, I've been working night shifts mostly. And I was at a party. Once.”

Sarah laughed.

“A party? Did you wear a dress?”

“You know me better than that, Sarah.”

“I know. What kind of party?”

“This asari I'm working with had a, what do they call it, decade birthday.”

“An alien?”

There was both curiosity and a hint of disapproval in Sarah's voice. Ash remembered how she'd always thought her sister had a lenient, romantic view of aliens before. Somewhere along the road she'd overtaken her.

“Asari are the blue ladies, right? Who can have sex with anyone?” Sarah giggled. “Did anyone hit on you?”

Ash blushed.

“Sarah!”

Her sister burst into laughter.

“Come on, I was just teasing. The mere idea of you dating an alien!”

“Laugh it up. There weren't just aliens there, you know. Not that I'd ever consider dating a fellow soldier.”

“Yeah, yeah, regulations. So boring.”

“But they can be nice. The aliens, I mean.”

“Nice nice?” Sarah winked and Ash rolled her eyes. “You used to talk very differently once, sis. Commander Shepard totes spoiled you.”

Sarah smirked.

“Enough about me. How's mom? What have you all been up to?”

*

She took off the glasses, frowning one last time at the target, before exiting the shooting range.

To her surprise, Artus was sitting on a bench right behind the airlock.

She took out the earplugs.

“Ma'am.”

“Williams. You're really good with an assault rifle.”

“You were watching me?”

“I had to wait, all spots were taken. Your sniping could use some practice, though.”

Ash wrinkled her brow. She was aware of that, still...

“What is it with turians and sniper rifles?” she asked, grumbling.

Artus' mandibles twitched.

“The stick up our ass helps us keep still,” she replied nonchalantly.

Ash couldn't help snorting.

“I'd understand if you don't want unsolicited advise, but if you're interested, I could give you some training.”

Ash raised her eyebrows, then shrugged.

“Alright, why not. When do you have time?”

*

Ash tensed up noticeably when she felt Artus' talons on her hands, correcting her grip. The turian let go quickly. Since it was hard communicating while wearing ear protection, Artus had filled her in on what she thought Ash could improve before they'd entered the range.

Ash turned around and gave her what she hoped was an apologetic look. Artus typed something on her omnitool and Ash looked at the message:

_'This will be a very long and disrupted session if physical contact is a problem.'_

Artus' expression was calm and stoic, as far as Ash could tell, but she thought the message sounded quite impatient.

 _'No problem,'_ Ash typed quickly, which was a lie, but after the first few minutes it had been hard to deny that the turian knew what she was doing, and she could use the training. Artus nodded and Ash turned back, trying to hold the rifle the way Artus had showed her. After the next few shots, she felt a slight tap against her left foot, and she complied by placing her feet further apart. The position did make her more steady, but it was uncomfortable. She aimed carefully and shot again, cringing at the recoil. When she felt Artus' hands both against the small of her back and flat against her stomach, she took a deep breath and tried very, very hard not to tense up. The turian shifted her carefully into a more stable position, and Ash took the recoil better for the next shots. Artus seemed pleased with her progress so far.

“You learn fast, I'll give you that,” Artus said, once they'd left the range.

“But...?”

“For proper training, we'd have to find a safe outdoor location, we'd have to see what you can do prone or on your knees, how you adjust to wind and distance, and we'd eventually go for moving targets. All of which is impossible on the Citadel.”

“You're taking all the accomplishment out of it.”

Artus' mandibles flared slightly.

“I didn't mean to. Just got carried away. You're a good shot, a fast learner, I'd just love to see what you could do with more advanced training.”

Ash actually felt herself blush.

“Now you're flattering,” she muttered.

“I mean it,” Artus said earnestly. “But I have to go get changed before my shift starts. I'll see you around, Williams.”

“Yeah. Hey! Thanks, ma'am.”

“My pleasure.”

*

“Hey, what's wrong?”

“What? Why would you think something's wrong?”

“Ashley Madeline Williams. I've known you my whole life. We may not talk as often as we should, but that doesn't mean I can't read you like a book.”

Ash closed her eyes and smiled.

“Don't play the Madeline-card, Abby. You sound like mom when I didn't clean my room.”

“That's still not an answer.”

Ash frowned.

“It's nothing, really. I just... I think I'm becoming friends with a turian.”

“Huh.” Her sister frowned into the camera. “I can certainly see why that would bother you.”

“And why is that?” Ash asked tersely.

“Oh, come on. You think you're betraying gramps and, by extension, dad.”

Ash didn't say anything. Abby had put her finger right into the wound.

“Look, Ash, there was a war, over a misunderstanding. It was over in weeks, with turian losses more than three times as high as human losses. People treated gramps badly, it was unfair, and dad had to suffer as well, but these people were humans. Alliance, mostly. Does that mean you shouldn't become friends with other soldiers?”

“I...”

“Ash! Not counting family, how many close friends do you have?”

Ash's face grew hot.

“Don't do this to yourself, big sis.”

Ash was silent for a moment.

“I'll try, okay? Thanks for setting me straight. Let's talk about you, right? How did your exams go?”

Abby smiled.

“Great, actually. I've applied for a grant for my grad studies, I think I have a good chance of getting it.”

“That's great, sweetie!”

“It is,” Abby beamed.

*

“There you are!”

Ash looked up from her post.

“T'Lani? Is something wrong?”

The asari gave her an angry glare.

“What do you think you're doing?”

Ash was completely taken aback.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh don't play innocent! I saw you with Kara at the shooting range. I have one-hundred and seventy years of experience in these matters, I saw you looking at each other, I know what's going on. Well, you better back off!”

Ash blinked. Then she laughed.

“Are you insane?”

“What's going on here?”

Lee came jogging towards them, looking from the one to the other in confusion.

“T'Lani here is under the delusion that I'm trying to steal her heartthrob.”

The asari glared at her.

“You've heard me.”

Then she turned angrily on her heels and stalked off.

Ashley shook her head.

“Geez!”

Lee still looked confused.

“Was that about Artus?” she asked.

“Apparently.”

Lee tilted her head to one side, looking at Ash.

“Is there something between you and her?”

“No! I'm not into...”

She stopped herself.

“Women or aliens?” Lee asked, one eyebrow raised with a smirk.

“Well, both...”

“You sound hesitant.”

“I once had a major crush on an instructor at the academy. Not that it's any of your business.”

Lee giggled.

“In any case, I don't even think Artus and I could count as friends.”

“I think she's fascinating. But don't tell Menara. Or T'Lani.”

“You always been this...”

“Promiscuous?” Lee suggested with a wink.

“I would have said open-minded.”

“Yeah, but I know what you were thinking. And I don't mind. Anyway, usually I prefer human ladies or asari, but Artus is so... I don't know. I just wanna hug her, she looks sad most of the time.”

“She does, doesn't she?” Ash muttered.

“I once heard a couple of other turians talking about her. Made her sound like she was a freak. They weren't even mean, just sounded genuinely bewildered.”

“Huh.”

“T'Lani has had an eye on her for months. It was a bit embarrassing, really, since Artus always declined all invitations to hang out with us and she kept asking. Dunno why she came around. Though I suppose she's lonely enough...”

*

“Williams. What's wrong?”

Artus looked up at her.

“I wanted to keep this quiet and laugh it up, but your girlfriend thinks I'm hitting on you and has been talking smack about me to the entire unit. Please restrain her!” Ash said angrily.

The turian stood up from her desk, mandibles flaring.

“I don't... You mean Neala?”

“Well, I don't know how many girlfriends you have, but yes.”

“Please come with me, Lieutenant.”

Ash followed reluctantly, through half the command centre, until they finally found T'Lani.

“Kara, what's... Oh no, not you.” T'Lani gave Ash a murderous glare.

“What's the meaning of this, T'Lani?” Artus asked lowly. Her voice was calm, but something about it had changed. It was hard to describe.

“Don't you think I can see what's going on between you?”

Artus crossed her arms in front of her.

“Nothing is going on between me and the Lieutenant. And nothing is going on between you and me, Neala,” she said coldly.

“But...”

“Is it not enough that I am the laughing stock of the hierarchy? Do you have to add this childish infatuation to it?”

Ash grimaced. As much as she'd been angry with T'Lani, seeing her despondent expression made Ash feel sorry for her.

“If you have a problem with me, T'Lani, you come to me with it. Don't drag bystanders into it. You will make sure everyone will know that whatever you've said about Lieutenant Williams was a lie.”

The asari just nodded numbly.

Ash followed Artus out of the room.

“And this is why humans have regulations against fraternisation,” she muttered under her breath.

“Spirits, Williams, just leave me alone.”

Ash blinked, then shrugged.

“Fine.”


	5. Chapter 5

A week had passed. She hadn't seen the Major once. T'Lani didn't meet her eyes whenever they met. A couple of T'Lani friends, who'd usually at least greeted her, were now giving her cold looks and would turn away when they saw her. Ash didn't care. Barker acted like nothing had happened and Lee gave her odd looks from time to time, but made a habit of talking to her a lot more than before. She didn't get invitations to anything anymore. She didn't care about that, either.

They hadn't spent that much time together. Just a few hours over the course of weeks.

So why was she missing Artus?

Should she apologise? She had, after all, been gloating a little. In retrospect, she realised just how upset Artus must have been. Her comment might have seemed insignificant to her, but the other woman had been vulnerable.

_'I'm sorry about what I said the other day. I didn't mean to gloat. AW'_

She couldn't keep herself from checking her messages every three minutes. What was wrong with her?

Eventually, there was a reply.

_'I shouldn't have snapped at you. I am sorry, too. Kara'_

Ash smiled, then typed quickly:

_'Wanna go out for drinks sometime?'_

_'I'd like that. I have evenings off all week.'_

She felt oddly light-headed for a moment. 

_'How about tomorrow?'_

*

They looked at one another.

“Hey there,” Ash said lowly.

“Hey.” 

Artus sat down next to her, ordered something unfamiliar, then turned to look at Ash.

“How are you?”

“Alright.”

“Anyone giving you a difficult time?”

“No, ma'am. Well. I'm not invited to any outings anymore. But it doesn't matter. I felt awkward, anyway.”

“Please, call me Kara.”

For a moment Ash wanted to protest, but then she nodded.

“Will do.”

Kara averted her eyes.

“Look, I am really sorry about what went down there. And that you got dragged into it. I should have been more... I should have been stronger. I knew she was infatuated with me, and I gave in because I was lonely, and I hurt her and damaged your reputation...”

“It's alright, Kara.”

The turian looked at her with an unfathomable expression.

“Thank you.”

“Let's talk about something else, alright?”

“Sure. Tell me something about you. I hear humans don't have compulsory public service. Why did you join the military?”

“Runs in the family. The Williams have been in the military for four generations now. Although my sisters all seem to prefer civilian life.”

“All? How many do you have?”

“Three. I'm the eldest. We're close.” Ash smiled.

“Sounds nice.”

“Do you have siblings?”

“No. Unfortunately not.”

“So all turians do public service?”

“From the age of fifteen to thirty.”

“No kidding?” Ash blinked. “That's a long time. But you don't have to join the military, do you?”

“No, there's a whole variety of civilian service posts. I just really wanted to get off Palaven.”

“Why?”

Kara looked at her for a long time.

“How sensitive a subject is Shanxi for you, Ashley?”

Ash's eyes widened.

“You... you know about me? My grandfather?”

“Your name did cause a bit of a commotion among the turian forces when you first joined C-Def. They may not talk to me more than is absolutely necessary, but I still have a pretty good hearing. Now I've upset you.”

“I'm fine.” It explained why Kara was the only turian who ever talked to her unless it was work related. “Please. Go on.”

“My mother died during the retaliation. My father never got over it. Drank himself to death. I was handed from one part of the family to the other. No one really wanted me. Can't blame them, I wasn't easy to deal with. Once I'd joined the military, I started irritating everyone with my desire to get away from turian space. When they finally let me, I was sure they were thinking 'Let her go, she'll come back.' Well, that didn't happen.”

“I am so sorry. You... you don't hate humans?”

Kara laughed.

“No. It wasn't your fault. You were attacked, your colony was occupied by the first aliens you ever encountered. The hierarchy, on the other hand... I understand that they had to react to an unknown species intruding into turian space, but only informing the council after attacking and not waiting for them to send someone to mediate goes against all council regulations.”

“Huh.” Ash didn't quite know what to say and sipped her drink.

“Spirits, look at me, making horrible, awkward conversation. My small talk skills are terribly rusty. I'm surprised you haven't run by now.”

“I used to be very wary of other races,” Ash said, out of the blue.

Kara tilted hear head to one side.

“What changed?” she asked softly.

“I actually met them. And Shepard talked sense into me. I used to think she was so reckless for trusting Vakarian and a krogan merc and Benezia's daughter and some random quarian kid... But we could never have done it without them.”

Ash sighed.

“It hurts you, doesn't it? That she has allied herself with Cerberus?”

“I don't understand it. I met her once in between, I was pretty harsh, I didn't let her explain herself. Well, I'd just lost half a colony to the collectors, I wasn't exactly calm...”

“Spirits, you were there when they hit?”

“Yeah. I guess she saved me. Again. Didn't even say thank you.”

“You must have been through an ordeal. Don't beat yourself up about it.”

Ash shook her head.

“It was just like when I met her. I'd lost my whole unit on Eden Prime and there were geth everywhere and there was nothing I could have done about it. Just felt so goddamn helpless.”

She didn't flinch when Kara tentatively put an arm around her.

“Soldiers, ey? Can't talk about anything but war for long,” Ash muttered, then allowed herself to lean into the touch. Just for a moment.

“It is an occupational hazard,” Kara agreed and nudged her gently.

Ash looked at her face, which was suddenly much closer than it had ever been, and she was stunned by its delicateness, the ridges and hollows of her facial plates, by the absolutely alien beauty. Her heart skipped a beat. Kara looked at her, then withdrew slowly.

“Did you grow up on Earth?” she asked suddenly.

“No, we moved a lot. But my family lives there now. After dad died.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It's alright. Wish he could have seen me rising in rank, though. He would have been proud.”

*

They went out for drinks once, twice a week during the next month. Until Ash realised that what Kara was drinking was some kind of fruit and herbal blend, because she was a teetotaler, after which Ash insisted they go out for coffee or dinner instead.

“Sounds like you're dating!” Abby quipped.

“Honestly, Abs!”

Abby raised her eyebrows with a smirk.

“You know, even with the crappy transmission I can see you're blushing, sis. What's going on with the two of you?”

“Abby!”

Ash felt herself getting angry, all of a sudden.

“Geez, Ash, it was a joke.”

“Yeah, but this isn't funny, you know?”

“You really like her, don't you? Hey, you can talk to me. Not going to judge you for anything. Remember? I'm the free spirit of the litter. Gosh, you're really upset, aren't you?”

“I don't know who I am any more. What I'm feeling. I'm just so happy when she's around.”

“But...?”

“But everything! She's a turian, she's a woman, she's a fellow soldier, she has baggage...”

“In that order?”

“Well, yeah.”

Abby frowned.

“Okay. Well, the question is, is being her friend going to be enough?”

“I honestly don't know, Abs.”

“Well, then I suggest you put on your big girl panties and figure it out!”

Despite everything, Ash had to laugh.

“Aye, ma'am.”

*

“You are quiet tonight.” Kara watched her closely. “Is something wrong?”

“No, just tired. Changing shifts always gets to me.”

“I see. Then maybe we should call it a night.”

They shared a cab, as usual. Their places where less than five minutes apart. As they stood on the corner where they usually parted, Ash hesitated.

“Good night.”

“Kara, I...”

Kara looked down at her, being a good deal taller than Ash when standing. Her mandibles twitched, nervously. Ash could tell by now. For a moment they looked at each other in silence, then Ash tentatively reached out and stroked Kara's upper arm. The next moment, Kara had pulled her flush against her and Ash pressed her cheek against the turian's shoulder.

The elevator was way too slow. She could feel Kara's talons against her hand, caressing it gently, but apart from that they didn't touch. Ash wondered briefly if she'd ever felt that nervous before in her life. She couldn't remember.   
She fidgeted terribly with her omnitool while typing in the access code to her apartment, felt more than self-conscious to let Kara inside. At least it was tidy. 

The moment the door fell closed behind them, Kara pulled Ash around to face her, then pushed her gently against the wall, nuzzled her neck, while her hands roamed over Ash's body in slow, delicate movements. Gingerly, Ash reached out with trembling hands and caressed Kara's neck, trailed her fingers over the rough, oddly hairless skin on the back of her head. She gasped and closed her eyes as Kara began licking at her throat with a hot, rough tongue, while the turian's hands were on her breasts, kneading them firmly. Must have learned that from an asari, Ash couldn't help thinking. For some reason, it made her tense up. She felt the pressure vanish from her chest and throat and opened her eyes after a moment, to find Kara's face very close, eyes boring into her.

Ash pushed herself off the wall, reached for the other woman, who let herself be pulled even closer, and pressed their mouths together. She heard a small growl coming from Kara and pulled back at once.

“Ash?” Her voice sounded like she already knew what was coming.

“I'm so sorry, I can't...”

Immediately, Kara backed off a step, then another, folded her arms in front of her body.

Ash wished she would have yelled, not fixed that cold, but oddly understanding gaze on her.

“I am not going to try and talk you into this, you know. I was just fine with the way things were,” she said lowly. Then she shook her head and left without another word.


	6. Chapter 6

Ash went through the next two weeks on autopilot. She went to work as usual, she chatted with Lee and Barker, she wrote irrelevant things to her family and tried to keep the anger and disappointment and keen sense of defeat at bay.

She'd tried writing Kara, deleted messages after almost sending them, then finally sent one after a week, never got a reply. Whenever there was a new message, she opened it with shaking hands, but it was never from Kara.

And then she got the call that turned everything upside down.

*

“Sir!” 

“At ease, Lieutenant.”

She looked at Anderson, mind reeling.

“May I ask what this is about? Why am I being reassigned?”

“We have received disturbing news, Lieutenant. It seems we're on the brink of an invasion.”

Her heart sank.

“Reapers?”

He nodded.

She took a deep breath.

“When do I leave?”

“In five days. This is the schedule.” He handed her a datapad. “Oh, and Williams?”

“Yes, sir?”

“You're being promoted. Congratulations, Lieutenant Commander.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Dismissed.”

She nodded.

“Sir.”

*

Ash stared at the message, heart beating hard.

_'Were you going to tell me you're leaving?'_

_'I didn't think you'd care.'_

It was childish, but she had already sent it. 

_'I care more than I ever wanted to.'_

Ash closed her eyes, took a deep breath. This was unfair, how could she do this to Kara when she was just about to leave? But then, she had written to her first...

_'I need you, Kara.'_

_'Can I come over?'_

_'Make it ASAP.'_

There were no doubts this time. She pulled Kara close and kissed her mouth softly, lips on plate, then tongue against tongue, gentle, tentative, exploring.

“I missed you. I'm sorry,” Ash whispered after a moment.

“I shouldn't have ignored your message. I was too hurt and proud, when I should just have talked to you about all this.”

“Who told you I was leaving?”

“Lee did.”

“Of course...”

Ash's fingers fumbled with the clasps of Kara's shirt. Kara helped her, then looked at her.

“Look, before I get this off, are you su...”

“Yes! Please, please get naked now.”

Kara chuckled, then took off her shirt, her trousers, standing there, looking self-conscious.

“You're beautiful,” Ash said softly, taking in the sharp angles and well-toned muscle beneath the plates. 

“That is the only acceptable thing to say in this situation,” Kara said, trying for nonchalance, but sounding more than nervous. Ash shed her own clothes quickly, trying to remember when she'd last been naked in front of anyone, then dismissed the thought, and pulled Kara close again. She was rough to the touch, her skin much warmer than a human's. Her talons explored Ash's back, down to her ass, squeezed her gently, then inched deeper.

“I think, I... I need a bit of guidance here, Kara...”

“Just let me indulge in you for a moment, I've been wanting to touch you so badly...”

Ash gasped.

“Oh lord, if you keep doing that, I don't think I'll be able to stand any longer.”

Kara let go, reluctantly, and Ash pulled her over to her bedroom and onto her bed.

Kara lay down at Ash's side, nuzzled her neck again, caressed her breasts, licked them tentatively, until Ash squirmed, dug her fingers into her crest, but said:

“Wait, please. Give me some pointers.”

“Of course. Sorry, got carried away.” She took Ash's hand and brought it against her side, where there was exposed skin between the plates.

“Any place that isn't plate is quite receptive...” She slid Ash's hand down to her hip, pressed into the touch. 

Ash was hesitant at first, but grew bolder as Kara made a low grumbling noise that failed to put Ash off this time. She traced her fingers over the other woman's stomach, then slipped lower.

“What about... here...?” 

Kara twitched, then took a shaky breath.

“That feels very nice,” she all but whispered, burying her head against Ash's breasts, while slightly bending her leg.

“Oh... oh, you're very...”

“Just because I like you so much,” Kara said in a tone that both seemed to be and wasn't quite irony.

“Are you embarrassed?” Ash grinned and stroked Kara's neck gently with the other hand, while her fingers slowly slipped into her. Kara moved against her, then lifted her head, looked at Ash.

“I just didn't expect you to be quite so bold... Spirits, never stop doing that...”

“This?” Ash crooked her fingers again and Kara grabbed her waist sharply and pulled her close, letting her own hand slip between Ash's legs again, felt her out, rubbed slowly up and down the slick folds, then slid a talon into her. 

Their motions grew faster, harder, almost frantic, until Kara clenched unexpectedly hard around Ash's fingers and fell against her with a shudder, still thrusting hard into Ash, who followed a moment later.

“That was faster than... wow.”

Kara pulled Ash into her arms, stroked her hair, let her tongue flicker against Ash's lips.

“It was only the start. I'll make sure you won't forget me once you're off station.”

Ash sighed.

“I'd all but forgotten about that for a moment.”

“I suppose you can't tell me anything about what's going on?”

Ash shook her head.

“Classified.”

“You look very worried.”

“Please, let's not talk about this now. Come here. Give me something to miss.”


	7. Epilogue

_Several weeks later..._

Ash had gotten used to suspicious stares after she'd boarded the Normandy again, but this was just ridiculous.

“Would you stop scrutinising me, Vakarian? I wasn't going to pull my weapon on anyone on board, I swear, although if you keep staring at me, I might change my mind.”

Garrus snorted.

“Oh Williams, if I hadn't trusted you to do the right thing back there, you would be dead by now.”

Ash scowled at him.

“Then what's with the looks?”

“There are teethmarks on your shoulder, aren't there?”

Ash felt her face grow hot.

“How do you... I mean, what are you talking about?” She tried not to reach for her shoulder, she could, after all, feel that it was still covered by her uniform, skin tender and healing underneath.

“Did you know that turians leave a distinctive... mark when they bond, a mixture of olfactory cues and pheromones along with the bite marks, which tell other turians that someone is already taken?”

She had known what the bite signified, and to her astonishment, it had thrilled her when Kara had asked, in a slightly trembling voice, if she'd let her bite her. Hot, sharp pain in the middle of her orgasm, soft murmures from Kara, talons tenderly cleaning and covering the small wounds later on. 

She hadn't known about the rest, though.

She glared at Garrus.

“And to think you used to be so suspicious of us aliens. Part of me wants to tell everyone that there is a turian lady out there who has marked you as hers.”

“I seem to remember very clearly how you ranted to Shepard about bringing a quarian aboard the first Normandy. 'We can't trust her, she's too young, she'll eat all my rations, what are you doing?'”

Garrus was silent for a long time, before his mandibles clicked and he said lowly:

“Fair enough.”

“Good.”

“I never said that one about my rations.”

“I'm pretty sure you did.”


End file.
